Hurt
by Samthebear
Summary: now a twoshot. a little tangent from my other story 'Just like his dad'. It hurt more than I had expected. To leave SPR without telling anyone but for a note on his desk. Rated M just incase. nothing graphic but adult themes.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: sorta like a spin off from my other story 'just like his dad' about Mai and how she felt in the time she had to leave – yeah well, it's all explained in my story. Personally, i liked writing this and the depth it carried with it. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy it.

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It hurt more than I had expected. To leave SPR without telling anyone but for a note on _his_ desk. I forbade myself to think his name. Just his name is enough to tie my guts into knots of dead ends so tight that I feel sick to the core. It'd be worse in the morning with the nausea.

I curl up into a tight ball on my bed, pulling the covers around me – trying to somehow, replicate a feeling of security. And every so often, I'd remember him. Making me unable to move. To function. To live.

---

The contractions rip through me, making me scream in pain and exhaustion. But no one is here to comfort me.

"That's it honey, just keep pushing. Come on dear, you can do it." A kind nurse encourages me, just before another sharp contraction tears through me.

I scream and moan, I push and draw in hard labored breaths but the pain still assaults me.

"That's it honey! I can see the head, just one more! One big push!" The nurse squeezes my hand tightly as I push once more. I feel my baby slide out with the help of a doctor and several nurses. The nurse beside me smiles encouragingly at me, beaming happiness.

"You've done it honey." I keep dragging in hard breaths, the pain just only starting to dull.

"My baby…" I wheeze out, holding my arms out.

"It's a boy honey." The nurse passes me a small swaddled bundle in a light blue towel. I take the small bundle from the nurse and hold it to my breast, crying. I push the towel down, pressing light kisses on him. A beautiful mop of black hair, half closed eyes hiding those beautiful dark blue orbs I know he'll have.

"Congratulations honey." The nurse mummers, pushing my hair back from my sweaty face.

Maybe I'll be able to live. Maybe with this baby's help I'll be able to live.

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A/N: a really quick one-shot, might do a two shot but it's too late now. Thanks for reading.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: here's the promised two-shot, i was re-reading 'Hurt' and got an idea for a second chapter so here it is... hope you enjoy this

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Watching my baby grow and learn I can forget about the past, it hasn't been easy but I know I have to live for this child and this child alone. My beautiful baby who looks just like his father. It is no longer about his father or me; it is now about him – my child. Even if I were given the choice to re-do everything again i would have done exactly the same. For my child I would have gone through all that again. 

Do I regret anything? Yes and no I suppose. Watching my child play, run, cry, laugh and grow I have no regrets. But sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing just leaving his father like that. Without telling anyone. I think I regret that decision the most, but as they say – 'no use crying over spilt milk'. Some day it'll be harder, he'll ask me questions and I'll need to answer them. But for now I am just happy to watch him play and grow. Will I have answers for him when he asks me one day? I don't know. I hope I will but I really don't know.

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It is a beautiful spring day of the fifth year since I left. Since I gave birth to Kenji. The Sakura blossoms falling gently and peacefully around us in the park we are taking a stroll in.

"Mummy… why don't I have a daddy?" the one question I've been dreading and thinking about since he was born is suddenly and unexpectedly thrown at me.

"Why do you ask Kenji?" I ask carefully, hiding my fear behind a façade of cheer.

"Because other kids have daddies but I don't…" He says quietly, staring woefully at the ground.

"Well honey," I stop and squat down to his level, "you do have a daddy, and it's just that he is away."

"Will he come back?" he asks me, large eyes with such total innocence and hope. The hope killed my heart and broke it into a million pieces.

"Oh honey, come here." I gather him into a tight hug. "Isn't it good with just the two of us?" He nods on my shoulder.

"He's not coming back is he?" Kenji asks me with such sharp clarity and acuteness it scared me.

"No honey. I'm so sorry but your daddy isn't coming back. But we've always been just the two of us, and it's been good right?" I ask him, pulling away so I can look at him.

"Yeah…" he admits sadly. Oh I'm so sorry Kenji. I'm so sorry… please forgive me.

"Come on! Lets get some ice cream! Put a smile on your face honey, we still have the whole day in front of us to do anything you like!" He cheers up considerably, putting my heart at ease for a moment.

But I know, things won't get any easier from now onwards.

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A/N: hope you enjoyed that! if i get random ideas or insperation i'll write more - other wise i'll just leave it as an two-shot for now... thanks for reading! 


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